Sex, Drugs, Rock & Roll Spoil Knights' Season

Gotham City police were called to the 42nd block of South Harmon Street at 4 a.m. last night where authorities say neighbors were complaining about loud music and gunshots. 

Upon entry, police reportedly found several empty bottles of Admiral Nelson rum, more than a dozen marijuana blunts rolled in half-smoked $100 bills, traces of cocaine on the floor, scattered nine millimeter shell casings, seven potential prostitutes, and a large meth lab in the home’s basement.  

Four members of the Gotham City Knights’ basketball team were present and participating in the activities. Prince, The Mayor, Ghost, and Steven Jamaal were taken into custody but have since been released after posting bail that was set at $47,000 for each player. 

Other notable members in attendance included local legend Ricky Red Rocket and Priest (a.k.a. His Religiousness). “What do you think is gonna happen to these boys?” Rocket curiously asked police after the Knights’ players were reprimanded in the privacy of their own home. “Well at least I have a bed to sleep in tonight,” he added. Authorities did not take Priest into custody, who “couldn't have been being bad” according to one officer. 

As far as the status of the four Knights’ stars, jail time is the least of their concerns. “We got a hellava legal team,” Knights’ power forward Steven Jamaal said. “We've been arrested many times before and they've always came through for us. We just hope those crooked fucks up in the league office don’t try to take away our basketball.” 

All four Knights could be facing a one-game suspension from Commish Bowser, putting the team’s chances of beating the first-place TowBlows in jeopardy tomorrow night. 

“This some bullshit,” Prince said. “We ain’t finna miss this game.” 

Sharp-shooter The Mayor was equally upset. “Theys got sum bawws tryin to keeps us from playin,” he said with his chest. “Some real wize guys callin da shots up dare in da league awfice. Uz miss dis game? Fugetaboutit!” 

The Knights’ bravado is reassuring to the thousands of fans clinging to any remaining hope that this year’s team will bring home the franchise’s first title to Gotham City. A loss tomorrow night to the TowBlows and not even the Knights’ notorious legal team will be able to save them from the fate of missing the postseason.