Police Prosecute Professional Player; Population Properly Perplexed.

Beloved auto-dealer, Andy Mohr

In what may be the biggest misunderstanding of all time, Gotham City officials announced that they will file charges against GCK small forward Steven Jamaal. Police reports leaked to the public earlier this month say that Jamaal was found at the scene of the murder of reputable car dealer Andy "Wipes the Floor" Mohr. According to these reports, Jamaal was discovered standing over Mohr's body. Although there were no signs of a struggle, the police did find some telling evidence.

"I did not do it," says Steven Jamaal

"The autopsy reveals that someone had removed Mohr's vocal chords through surgical means," says Gotham City resident physician Hank Stace, who performed the autopsy himself. "We also found that someone had glued earphones to his head and made him listen to his own commercials, perhaps for hours on end. He literally died by the sound of his own voice."

It is a well-known fact that Steven Jamaal has an open disdain for the voice of Andy Mohr. Also well-known is the fact that Jamaal recently got his medical license in order to perform open-throat surgery for his friends. His response?

"I know this looks bad, but I did not do it. They -" was all Jamaal could say before he burst into tears of joy.

Gotham has split into two factions in regards to these recent developments. On one hand, there are those who vehemently support Jamaal's innocence. On the other hand, there are citizens who rejoice in the death of Andy Mohr.

But how different are these two groups of people? Do they have more in common than they seem to think?

Yes, yes they do. They are literally the exact same.